Complicated
I’m so tired of not knowing what to do. I don’t wanna be with you, but I do. I wanna try to find someone better, but my fear is rejection. I can’t handle it. It doesn’t matter if I don’t or do want you because I think you’ll never want me. You’re more confusing to me then anything in this world, you’re a puzzle and I hate to say it but I love it. The more time I share with you the more confused I get. I think you do want me, but you’re afraid/embarrassed/worried/don’t think you good enough, I don’t know. Sometimes you can’t leave me alone other times I’m ignored. I’m afraid if I am with you, I’ll miss out on something better that I really want right now. Then again how can I be sure? I don’t know if he’s in to me like that, or I really don’t even know him that well. I don’t want to hurt you, but then again everyday you hurt me. How can I say I love someone that, doesn’t love me, uses me, doesn’t care if I come around, treats me like crap, makes fun of me and can’t see whats right in front of them. Then their are the good/amazing fun times we share. They’re the reason I stay around, if I didn’t have those, I’d leave. I left you’re life for 8 months, it needed to be done. I come back to a completely destroyed boy who does drugs now, who is depressed, who has no one but me, who drinks so he can feel nothingness. How can I help you, if you don’t want to be helped? How can you treat me this way when you know the feeling so well? So, what do I do? Stay with you or look for something else? Only you can tell me.
Wow I feel so much better after getting this off my chest. Tumblr <3
